So yesterday my hubby asking me to step on the weighing scales. And for once, I felt confident since I have been losing weight all the way. C'mon, I dropped from 98.5 to 92!!
So it was to my horror that I weighed a kg heavier - 93. Big bad stinking 93. Nononono!
At first I felt neutral about it. As in I feel ok. But the more I think about it, the worse I feel. So this goes to show that too much thinking leads to nowhere good.
Joking aside, I did keep brooding about it. Why why why did I ate those chips?! And the luncheon meat? And the... *the list goes on*
To be honest, I really didn't eat a lot of avoids. Well it's not a lot as compared to how I would eat before the O BTD. Still, I guess control is a new thing to me and like any other new gizmo, I have to learn to wield it with grace.
I wonder what actually happen? Given that my weight is pretty constant, something is up when I weighed a kg heavier. Or lighter.
It could have due to my strained shoulder and me not exercising for the past 5 days. It definitely was because of the avoids.
I texted my sis and hubby and whined to them. They were very nice and said that I made such good progress in such a short time, so don't be disheartened and carry on the good work. Sis urged me to be kind to myself. Hubby said that weight can fluctuate up and down (I didn't think so for mine... it's like sticky glue, needs a good shaking) and we just need to be consistent in our efforts.
I realized when I am disheartened about the weight gain, I turned self destructive. What a harsh word to use! I know but it's true. After learning of it yesterday evening, I went to eat more chips. Today I ate my breakfast of chicken and veggies AND then lunchtime (ok, it was kinda late, 2 pm actually), I went to the food court and ate chicken rice! With an egg and chicken liver.
To compound that, I went to Chick King and ate one fried chicken. I wanted to order more but quickly walked away from the place, grief sodden I was. Ok ok I know, I'm dramatic.
Thanks to a busy busy afternoon, I soon got distracted by work. By evening, I feel better and reading an article from Tiny Buddha comforts me. I feel more resolute now to lose that weight.
Because of the weekly (or even more) weigh-ins, I have been focused, perhaps too focused on the numbers. I hinged my happiness on it (hey alliteration!).
But I forgot that the exercising, the healthy eating is about a far grander thing than how heavy I weigh. It was about my health, my skin, my stress, my blood pressure and of course, my adrenal score. I forgot how good and tiny I feel in my clothes. How pleasant it is to waif into the office in slightly too baggy clothes.
How much energy I have. How tranquil I feel. How work seems manageable now and even if there are stressful stuff to deal with, it's not that bad viewed from the gym.
How my skin glow (like Rudolph's nose) after a good workout. How gooooood I felt. The satisfaction, the achievement. My pride in myself.
I've forgotten all of these awesome things. And to be honest, no matter how much I weigh (within reason of course), I never want to forget these ever again.
No comments:
Post a Comment